Confessions From a Nursing Dad
Well, obviously I’m not the one actually doing the nursing. Otherwise I’d change my day job to making tabloid money from my ability to lactate.
Seriously, I have a 2 month (9 week?) old baby at home and my wife has chosen to nurse. I know this is a sensitive topic, so I’ll try to be as discrete as I can about it.
I have nothing against nursing and am 100% behind doing everything we can with the babies as naturally as possible. With our first we made it through most of the birth without drugs. We probably would’ve made it further if the hospital staff were more supportive of our choices. Instead they acted more like drug pushers than nurses and we gave in at the end to a dose of Stadol.
Our second came very quickly and there wasn’t any time for drug intervention. Even if that hadn’t been the case, our nurse this time was extremely helpful and encouraging. She was actually rooting for Christina to birth the baby naturally. The experiences were as different as Kirk and Picard (geek reference +1) and we are definitely bigger fans of the natural birth.
Anyway, back to nursing. I appreciate my wife’s sacrifices and sympathize as much as I can being a man. Nursing comes with it a whole slew of problems: soreness when full, cracked skin, clogged ducts, late nights with little sleep. Then when you add a toddler to the mix, you no longer can “sleep when the baby sleeps” as most people keep telling her to do. Basically I have on my hands an exhausted mommy that’s tending a 2 month old and a 2 year old.
The most frustrating part is that there’s not much I can do about it.
Oh sure, I can and have stayed up with our daughter. We’ve supplemented with formula and pumped extra milk, but really it seems she doesn’t like taking the bottle. Maybe I don’t have the magic touch.
I’ve also taken our son on some of my errands to get him out of the house some so mommy can rest. He seems to enjoy his big boy time with daddy, and I enjoy getting to spend extra time with him.
We’ve also prayed about it. A lot. (Not alot.) It’s really hard to phrase “make our daughter sleep” in a prayer without feeling a little guilty or awkward.
I feel so powerless when it comes to this issue. I’m a man. I like to solve problems. However this one doesn’t seem to have any clear solution except “it’ll get better with time.” Which for me isn’t a proper solution, but I guess I don’t have much of a choice really.
I suppose while I wait I’ll use it as a topic for a blog post.
Men, what do you do when you encounter a problem without a solution?
Ladies, is there something your husbands can do to help during this time that just seems to be solely one on one?
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May 21 2013 @ 9:54 am
I like the post, Trey. I hope this is the harbinger of things to come. 🙂
May 21 2013 @ 10:08 am
Thanks! I’m pretty determined to keep up with writing this go around, so Lord willing, it will be.
May 21 2013 @ 10:37 am
For all the “nursing dads” out there, know that we (“nursing moms”) appreciate that you’re there and how much you WANT to “fix it” even if there really is no way to. I can’t remember where I read it, but I remember reading that men really do want to “fix everything” even when women don’t want that (or rather, don’t care if it’s actually fixed). A lot of times what we value is the ear to hear us when we need to vent and the support that just you being there gives us.
May 21 2013 @ 12:31 pm
Yup, there are several men vs women books out there that point out the man’s desire to fix a problem. It’s ingrained in us. Heh, it’s even one of the reasons I work in tech. It’s easy to fix a computer and feel that surge of accomplishment.
The thing is, when we CAN’T fix it, when it has no actual tangible fix, I’d like to learn how to deal with that better. Otherwise I might drift further in my insanity. 😀
May 21 2013 @ 11:51 am
I am nursing and my baby was a premature and has little desire to eat. She will be three weeks tomorrow and is still only 7 lbs 1 oz. She was 8 lbs 2 oz when she was born… so I understand. My husband feels helpless as well. I am reading a book called Baby Wise that helps with establishing a eat, wake and sleep periods. I cannot follow it exactly yet. We are having to feed her more often than what it recommends trying to get her weight up. But what I have incorporated has worked really well.
I too wanted to have 100% natural un-medicated childbirth. Instead I never experienced labor and had an emergency c-section due to pre-eclampsia. Boo!
Being supportive, encouraging and helpful is about all you can do and it is beyond appreciated. It seems like you are already doing that! I know that this experience has made me feel closer and more loved by my husband since he has helped me so much.
May 21 2013 @ 12:26 pm
We used BabyWise with Wayne to great effect, and advise any new parent to give it a read. It helped us a lot with him. Unfortunately Willow has a mind of her own and seems to want to nurse all the time with no chance of establishing the breaks in between. That’s another part of our frustration.
May 21 2013 @ 12:14 pm
This post brought back a lot of memories of Jack’s infancy. He ate every 40 minutes for the first 4 months, and didn’t sleep fully through the night until FOURTEEN months. Savage. 😉 I remember feeling terrible about the fact that at times I felt as though my baby was trying to kill me (with sleep deprivation). LOL I think that a previous comment has it right: the fact that you care enough about this topic to post a blog about it is probably going a long way to making Christina feel better; at least It would me. You’re a good Man, Charlie Brown! (theater reference +1)
Roll for initiative,
J. Wahl
http://creativepessimisticprocrastinator.blogspot.com/
May 21 2013 @ 12:27 pm
Thanks for all the encouraging replies. It helps!